Alone At Last


JL Winter

Welcome to my first story.  This story is not finished.  You may notice that the name seems a little off, but that's because it's my pen name.  The reason I chose to start writing it was as a therapeutic venture to help me work through the pain that I have experienced in my 30 years of life.  Let me give you just a little bit of background information on me just so you will have some facts in your mind as you read my fictional account of what happened to me.  It seems that for most of my life I have experienced abuse in one form or another.  When I was around two years old, I began to be sexually abused by my foster father, and I'm not sure how long it continued.  All I know is that when I was five years old, I used to have dreams about it.  Of course I didn't come to a full understanding of what those dreams meant until my early teen years when my understanding of sexual things was increased.  I was adopted, with my younger brother, when I was almost four years old.  For the first few years I was there life was good for me.  Everyone seemed to get along with everyone else.  We were a family.  As the years passed, I noticed that my mom didn't treat me the same as she treated my brother.  But the real emotional and verbal abuse didn't begin until I was about 11 years old.  By the time my teens hit, my mom and I argued all the time.  If she wasn't yelling at me for something, she was calling me names and telling me how ugly, stupid or worthless I was.  And if she wasn't doing any of those things, she ignored me.  She never put her arms around me when I was upset.  I would even go so far as to say that it appeared to me that she avoided any physical contact with me at all costs unless her image was at stake.  She was nice and polite to me in public, but in the privacy of our home was a different matter altogether.  When I was almost 21 I got married.  I suppose in some subconscious way I knew he would be an abusive man, but I suppose that for some strange reason I ignored it and convinced myself that I really did love him.  After eight years of marriage, our arguments were starting to affect our sons so much so that they couldn't get along and they were physically hurting each other when they would get angry.  And they had no respect for me at all.  I decided this was unacceptable and so I moved out.  And that brings me to the present day.  I'm at a time in my life where it's best for me to be alone.  I still see my kids and they even stay with me from time to time.  But my priority right now is to allow God to have some time alone with me to forge a strong relationship and bond with each other and to help me let go of all the hurt and come to a place of true healing so that I can truly be happy and complete as an individual.  Hence my reason for writing this story.  I think it will help me to bring some closure to it all.  But one bigger and better reason has come along since I began writing it.  I know now that God may just use this story to bless some of his other daughters who are going through or have been through some of the same things I have.  I have no doubt that the hardships we face in this life happen for a reason.  If for no other reason than to be able to truly connect with and help others in the same boat.  And that amazes me because it truly shows the grand design of God for us to be not only one with Him, but one with each other.  What a mighty God we serve.  Enjoy my story!

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3

Some of my favorite sayings:

A mind is like a parachute, best used when open.

People don't CARE how much you KNOW, until they KNOW how much you CARE.

A SET-BACK is a SET-up for a great come-BACK.

Some of my favorite scriptures:

"...that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it be tested b y fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ."
1 Peter 1:7

"Indeed we count them blessed who endure.  You have heard of the perseverance of Job and seen the end intended by the Lord; that the Lord is very compassionate and merciful."
James 5:11

"But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen and settle you."
1 Peter 5:10

"Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distress, for Christ's sake.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:10

"It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I might learn Your statutes."
Psalm 119:71

"Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10

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